


i keep half the words in my mouth

by Anonymous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Missed Connections, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Teacher Sugawara Koushi, a blend of au and canon, suga would be an amazing volleyball coach and this is a hill i will die on, travels through the timeskip and beyond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:48:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29410038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: to the grand king:im pretty sure you were my sexual awakening. i just don’t think there was ever a right time to tell you. (plus, i sorta took way too long to figure it out).~also a setter, miyagi prefecture
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 28
Kudos: 94
Collections: OiSuga Valentines Exchange 2021





	i keep half the words in my mouth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oolongteay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oolongteay/gifts).



> hello all!  
> i am so excited to have been a part of the 2021 Oisuga Valentine's Exchange this year! this fic was written for the lovely RINN and one of her prompts was 'missed connections' which immediately caught my eye. and this is what happened!
> 
> quick side note: i am not good at the use of japanese honorifics yet, so if you spot a misuse (or any other kind of mistake), please let me know!
> 
> thank you again to the mods of this event and everyone who participated!
> 
> i hope RINN and everyone who reads enjoys this fic!

* * *

_to the grand king:_

_i'm pretty sure you were my sexual awakening. i just don’t think there was ever a right time to tell you. (plus, i sorta took way too long to figure it out)._

_\- also a setter, Miyagi prefecture_

* * *

Now that Sugawara is quite certain that he would never look at the terrifying face of Oikawa Tooru once again, he could tentatively admit that he had _feelings_ for the accomplished setter. 

_He had feelings._ But they would soon become nothing more and nothing less. Sugawara had never attempted to confess, partially because he was sure every Karasuno team member was on Oikawa’s hit list but mainly because he had seen Oikawa’s fondness for his female groupies and was not interested in trying to deal with the fumblings of a straight man. Not to mention that even if he had wanted to confess now, he and Oikawa were now separated by oceans, by different stages in life and different dreams of the future and the cruel reality of this would hit Suga soon enough. 

_He had feelings_. However, Suga knows that they will be just as ephemeral as the presence of cotton candy on the tip of his tongue, only leaving behind a memory of sweetness unique to a first love so he’ll savor it until he reaches college. Tokyo’s bound to have better people than Oikawa, doesn’t it? He’ll just thank Oikawa in his mind for being so kind as to help him solidify his sexuality and find a prettier man with doe eyes and magnificent hair.

* * *

_to the grand king:_

_aren’t first loves supposed to vanish? why is it that you have stuck around then, you annoying brat! why do i keep coming back to you?_

_\- a frustrated college sophomore, Tokyo prefecture_

* * *

The flyer pinned to the corkboard at the entrance of his dorm building is not particularly unique in color or font and should capture the attention of exactly no one if the subject matter was factored in, but it very easily caught his eye. 

_Become a Teacher!_ the flyer proclaimed. _Fuck!_ Suga thought.

He’s never really taught before bar helping his Karasuno juniors with receives or his younger brother with homework but the second that he reads that flyer, something warm settles in his diaphragm, akin to the feeling that he had the first time he set a volleyball. This was what he needed to do.

How was he going to do it? No idea. How was he _going to tell his parents_? Even less. 

Suga huffed but still snapped a picture of the flyer before making it up the stairs and slipping into his dorm room. Idly noting that his roommate, Yaku, was nowhere to be found, he slid his backpack off his shoulder and flopped right onto his bed. After a few seconds, the temptation was insurmountable and he pulled up the flyer on his phone just so he could stare at the opportunity that it presented. 

“What am I going to do, Tooru?” he whispered. He raises his eyes to see the small Oikawa Tooru plush that was tucked in at the top of his desk. Suga would have never gotten something so… _creepy_ but apparently he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought he was with his near unshakable habit of keeping up with Oikawa whether it was through Twitter or his volleyball teams' official Youtube account. Yaku had quickly caught on and presented that plushie to him after long searching for it. (Apparently, Oikawa had not reached the volleyball fame in Argentina that he had already attained in Japan just yet, which meant subpar creepy plushies). 

His dusty little Oikawa did not reply, hair drooping as his unevenly embroidered eyes bored into his soul like it was going to come alive and spike him to death with a volleyball if he had to hear one more moment of Suga’s dramatics. 

(Just in case though, Suga privately decides that he would lock Plushie Oikawa Tooru in his closet before he went to bed tonight).

His phone chirps, effectively popping the depressive sulk that he was settling into. _Fantastic._ A quick glance tells him that it was a video upload from Club Atlético San Juan, aka _Oikawa’s team._ He tries to temper the flare of joy that sparks inside him, but well, he’s had a hard time of doing so for the past two years anyway. It’s quite annoying to admit but Oikawa Tooru is something that Sugawara Koushi can’t just will away, not when even a glimpse of him at a press conference is enough to stir old feelings in Suga again. 

He hurriedly clicks on the link, sure that no fan translation of Japanese subs are available yet, but he’s pleasantly surprised to find English subtitles at the bottom of the video. Though it will probably take him a little longer to understand everything, he still pushes forward. 

There’s never any guarantee that Oikawa will show up in these videos, but there, just towards the end does the camera flip to a familiar figure sitting on a freshly waxed gym floor, legs spread into a V and stretching toward the right. The second he spots the camera however, the figure jumps up and smiles right into the camera filling it with the charming face of one Oikawa Tooru. 

Suga’s eyes immediately latch onto Oikawa’s hair, noting that he’s now boasting a new undercut. He would have bet that Oikawa would never change his hair, certain that he would have a permanent routine that required bottles on bottles of hair product, but he must admit that he’s fond of the change.

Oikawa leans back from the camera and puts his hands on his waist, nodding along to whatever the person behind the camera has to say but at this point Suga’s not hanging off the subtitles. Instead he’s tracing the hills and valleys of the veins on Oikawa’s arms, quite easily he might add, since Oikawa’s opted for a sleeveless tee that mercifully leaves little to Suga’s highly desperate imagination.

The sound of Japanese falling from a deeper voice than Suga expects startles him, and he’s finally drawn to what Oikawa has to say. 

_“How hard was it to leave Japan to come to Argentina? It was hard. Probably the most difficult thing that I’ve ever done.”_

_“Then, what made you come?_

_Oikawa laughs, eyes twinkling. “Because I knew it would be harder if I didn’t. If I missed this opportunity,” he stretches his arms all around them, gesturing at the large gym, the bright fluorescent lights, and the world-class volleyball players. “I would hurt even more.”_

Suga requests to change his major a week later.

* * *

_oikawa-san,_

_i heard you met hinata on the beaches of rio de janeiro. it’s funny; it was the first piece of news i’d heard about you in years, and i felt nothing. just happy._

_have i changed, or have you?_

_\- a high school teacher, Miyagi prefecture_

* * *

The picture that’s just come through the Karasuno group chat is enough to make Suga wonder if he’s encroached into an alternate reality since entering his school. He can’t afford to think about it any much longer though; one glance at the clock lets him know that the first bell that signals homeroom is about to go off at any second so he shoves his phone along with his wandering thoughts into the cubby of his podium, and smiles at the last student that rushes in.

Thankfully, children think that they have the biggest problems, what with having to actually do their homework or an unexpected pop quiz so their issues become Suga’s issues, and he doesn't even have a moment to think of the photo until lunch hits. 

Suga waits until the last student runs out to the cafeteria to get a coveted serving of tonkatsu before finally letting his mind trail back to the image and pulls his phone to see it again.

The sky in the background is a brilliant blue to the point that it almost looks fake behind the people playing beach volleyball below the unrelenting sun. Of course, the main focus of the picture is Hinata and Oikawa both sticking their tongue out, but Hinata looks more warlike and Oikawa more Machiavellian. 

Suga’s eyes trail over the image of Oikawa, smiling as he spots the dark tan, the spark of passion in his eyes. If this were college and Suga was an angsty sophomore, his heart would have seized with jealousy that his darling kouhai was able to be around Oikawa Tooru but now it just flutters with content, pleased that the two have overcome their differences to be friends. 

He can’t believe that he used to be obsessed with this man, that any moment of his day could lead his thoughts towards him but when teaching became Suga’s dream, Oikawa slowly melted away to the sidelines. All Suga feels now is this nostalgic fondness that’ll keep for the rest of his life.

Daichi texted him if he wanted to go on a blind date this weekend, something that Suga had almost vehemently opposed. He found that he was never able to give himself fully to the other person, something that they always seemed to know when Suga made feeble promises for a second meeting to which they would wanly smile. However, it’s been a long time since Oikawa has been on his mind, so maybe, just maybe this date would turn out okay.

* * *

_oikawa-san,_

_do you ever wonder how you got to where you are? i find myself thinking about that a lot these days. if i didn’t go to karasuno, I wouldn’t know so many professional volleyball players now._

_if i didn’t open my mouth then, i wouldn’t be the fucking volleyball coach of my school._

_in misery,_

_\- new minted volleyball coach, Miyagi prefecture_

* * *

In hindsight, if Suga didn’t take inspiration from Takeda-sensei, he probably wouldn’t have been forced to partake in this cruel and unusual punishment. He whips his head and levels Nomura with a glare but the kid only shines back with a bright smile. _Fuck._ He never should have tried to cheer the kid up, or at the very least, never should have mentioned the fact that he was on Karasuno’s volleyball team so he could avoid this--

“Sensei! We have no one else to be our coach!”

“Please, sensei! You’d be a great coach. You went to Karasuno, right?”

“Karasuno? What’s so special about Karasuno?”

“You idiot! Our national setter went to Karasuno. #9, Kageyama Tobio!”

“And #10. Hinata Shoyo!” 

A chorus of wow’s resonated in the classroom, Nomura now stretching the limits of his mouth with his grin. 

“Sensei, what position did you play?”

Sugawara resists the urge to groan, knowing where the answer was going to lead to. “I played setter.”

“ _Wow_. Does that mean you were Kageyama-san’s senpai?”

“And Hinata-san’s?”

“Yes,” Suga said. He could almost feel the pedestal growing under his feet and hastened to put a quick stop to it. “But I didn’t play much, so don’t get your hopes up!”

“Aww sensei, we don’t want a professional,” Nomura whines, ”We just someone who can help. Can’t you?”

At those words, Suga was hit with twelve identical stares of pleading, fit with wide eyes, downturned mouths and some going the extra mile of fiddling with their hands. 

_“_ Give me the weekend,” he resisted. His kids laid him with a glare and only left when everyone in the group got an individual pinky promise that his decision would be final at that time. 

Here’s the thing: The pull of possibly being a part of volleyball, even just through the lens of being a coach, makes something inside of him spring to life. But he isn’t a gambler like his former teammates and he’s not sure if he still possesses that competitive spark he once had. He hates to admit it, but with every passing year since high school, Suga feels like he’s slowed down, like he’s stuck in amber, only going to school and coming back. These kids didn’t need his banality; they needed _innovation_. 

“Okay,” Daichi says, snapping Suga out of his thoughts by slamming his chopsticks on the table. “That’s it. What’s on your mind?”

Suga shrugs, gathering his own chopsticks up again and picking through the sushi for a perfect roll. “Nothing’s wrong. Why do you think that?”

“Because. You were the most excited to see all our juniors again, and you haven’t once ribbed Tsukkishima or bothered Nishinoya about his travels.”

Suga opened his mouth to retort but quickly shut it as he realized that everyone at the table was looking at him for his next answer. He huffs. 

“Some kids want me to be the volleyball coach at the school.”

The table erupts into excited celebration but Suga puts a hand out, only minimally stopping them.

“I haven’t said yes, yet. I don’t know if I should.”

“Well, what’s stopping you Suga-san?” Hinata asked, mouth still half full. Suga taps his chopsticks on the side of his bowl, wondering how best to phrase his thoughts to his teammates. 

“I know that I’m a good player,” he slowly starts.

“The best!” Tanaka interjects, and Suga can’t help but wanly smile before inadvertently glancing at Kageyama. 

“I just-- never had much playing time and I’m not creative. I’m just wondering what they could possibly learn from me, you know?”

Asahi frowns. “Suga. You’re always so sure of yourself. What’s making you think this way? If you think about it, Ukai-sensei inherited the Karasuno team--”

“Ukai sensei had a grandfather who was legendary,” Suga cuts in, only because he mentally tried to make that comparison himself and it quickly fell apart. “He grew up around the sport and honestly, we were lucky he turned out to be a great coach. It’s not the same here, Asahi.” 

“But I learned from senpai, more than anyone else.”

The table freezes as Kageyama innocently sips his drink. Immediately, Suga’s reminded of a fifteen year old Kageyama standing in front of a busted vending machine, taking great care and consideration on which yogurt drink he should spend his precious yen on that day. 

“He taught me how to signal and how to listen to my teammates. How to read the other team so that I could understand how to get past them.” Kageyama finally makes eye contact with Suga himself, a small lift present at the corner of his lips. “ _And_ he taught me how to autograph.”

Hinata laughs loudly, quickly followed by Tanaka and Nishinoya, while Yamaguchi and Yachi make sure to praise Kageyama for his kind words. Suga's still just a little struck that Kageyama thinks so highly of him. 

Daichi nudges him with a particularly pointy elbow, garnering his attention. “I think you’ve got your answer.”

Suga looks back to his first years, who are giving him wide smiles back. 

Later when they step into the cool sharp air and start saying their goodbyes, Kageyama sidles up to him once more, a more characteristic look on his face. 

“Sugawara-san. When I was at Kitagawa High, Oikawa-san used to say something all the time. ‘If you’re gonna hit it, hit it till it breaks.” 

Suga refrains from saying how intimately familiar he is with that quote considering the plushie he still has from college will squeak out a broken version of it when he presses the middle of its cotton stomach, and instead nods to encourage him further. 

Scrunching his nose, Kageyama continues further. “I don’t really like his saying, but I think it’ll help you. Just give it your all Suga-san; I’m sure it will go well.”

* * *

_oikawa-san,_

_do you think you’ll remember me? do you think that i somehow, could have stayed in your memories, just like you’ve stayed in mine?_

_silly thoughts, right?_

_\- an overworked coach, Miyagi prefecture_

* * *

Nomura’s eyes are blazing at a strength that Suga has only seen once before: the day he gathered the entire Kaisei High volleyball team to blackmail him into being the coach about two years ago. Needless to say, Sugawara’s a tad worried about where this conversation was about to lead, especially with the rest of the team sitting below him. 

“Captain Nomura, do you think you're setting a good example by being late?”

Nomura immediately stops in front of Suga and bends right into a bow. “Sorry, sensei! But I have news!” 

It’s then Suga notices the crumpled flyer in Nomura’s right hand but before he can ask, the vice captain stands up and snatches it from him. 

Maeda reads the flyer, eyes growing wider by the second. “It's a tournament, and the top three winners will get to meet Japan’s finest volleyball players!”

The whispers that break out for that announcement are filled with excitement, though Suga’s heart is already sinking. It’s not that Kaisei High is a bad team; they’ve managed to establish themselves amongst the top four of prefecture in just two short years, but he can only imagine the competition that would probably come out for a prize like this. 

“Ma, you’ve already met Tsukkishima Kei. Did he or did he not come in to help you last year? Or Hinata wasn’t good enough for you over the phone?”

Suga was not above using his friends as wonderful rewards to his grueling coaching. 

“Sensei! Of course we appreciate it! But,” Nomura looks down at his teammates, before looking back at Suga with a hardened glare, “this way we meet them because of our skill.”

Suga sighs. He crosses his arms and shifts his weight between his two feet, before thrusting his hand out for the flyer. He scans the page and almost throws up when he sees Oikawa’s face looking back at him, but he is an adult and a professional, so he only looks back at his expectant team. 

“Well, go set up the net. We’re not going to win with you sitting here, staring at me.”

x~x~x~x

The third-place medal shined brightly against Nomura’s emerald green uniform, but it still couldn’t surpass the wattage of his smile as he looked at the crowd cheering for him. Suga lets him have it, lets the whole team soak in the glory of it for all of about five minutes before he bullies them into stretching and then getting dressed for the award ceremony. 

Suga spends too much time thinking about how far his team has come and how much they’ve grown and ends up being the last person to board the bus. The second he stumbles into the bus straightening out his suit’s collar, a chorus of ooooh’s start, slowly growing into a racket. 

“Oh, shut it!” Sugawara growls at his rowdy team, though he’s sure that anything that he scolds them about today will probably bounce off the shield of joy protecting them. 

“Sensei, how long have you been hiding all that?’

“Wow, who knew you could dress up so well?”

“I...I think I understand why my sister likes you.”

“Did you dress up for someone tonight, sensei?”

That last question makes him instantly flush deep red and the bus of boys crow even louder at the sight. Suga curses at his betraying body and manages to ignore the rest of the questions that the boys manage to shout at him until the sight of their hotel manages to send them into a new tizzy. 

Suga gets down first, then makes sure everyone one of his boys is accounted for and that they were properly dressed. (Suga has to fix two ties and force three to tuck in their dress shirts). 

“Now listen up: what are the two ground rules?”

Their biggest troublemaker, Yamamato, groans but Nomura corrals them all together. 

“Rule #1: Don’t do it if you think Suga-sensei will yell at you. Rule #2: If you do it, make sure he doesn’t find out about it.”

“Good! Now follow me.”

Suga straightens his own suit jacket and walks his boys into the hotel, taken aback at the line of photographers who start actively snapping pictures at their appearance. He’s always understood what a big event this was, but the reality of it is starting to sink in. He’ll probably be in the national news with his team by tomorrow morning. 

“Suga-san! Over here!”

Suga turns to see Hinata wave _him_ over surrounded by some of the more popular MSBY players that he didn’t expect. 

“Suga-senpai!” Hinata cheers, and Suga can feel his team being starstruck in place, but he cannot help but smile back.

“Hinata!” Suga allows the younger to jump right into his arms. When he finally lets go, Hinata excitedly points at his teammates as if he doesn’t know exactly who they are. 

“Suga-san, you remember Miya-san and Sakusa-san, right?” Suga nods along at every introduction.

Miya gives him a feral grin. “You did a great job coaching your team. Sugawara-san.”

Suga pleasantly smiles back. “Please. It was all the kids. Actually,” Suga turns around and puts an arm around Nomura, who’s begging him with his eyes to not do exactly what Suga’s about to do. “this one’s your biggest fan. Has a huge poster of you in his room.”

Miya’s eyes grow huge and he laughs as he takes Nomura under his shoulder. Suga only snickers and turns back to tell his team to remember the ground rules before letting them disperse to explore. Sakusa sends him an appraising look when he turns back. 

“You’re a little evil, aren’t you?”

Suga innocently shrugs, but before he can respond he hears a voice. 

“That’s why I used to call him, _Mr. Refreshing.”_

Suga stills, head churning, palms almost instantly becoming slick with sweat at this voice. This voice that he dreamed of having near him for the past ten years, whispering sweet nothings or laughing at what he’s said. Suga only manages to glance up at the figure before being struck still. 

There he is, Oikawa Tooru, standing next to him like they were actually friends who’d just lost touch with one another over the years rather than their real true relationship. 

“Mr. Refreshing?” Suga struggles to put out. Oikawa looks down at him, a wide smile on his face. This close, Suga can see the freckles sprinkled over his cheeks due to constant training under the sun.

“You came out either to sub for Kageyama or to serve, and you could re-energize your team like nothing. I liked that unpredictability.”

Suga only gapes and whirls around to see if Hinata is hearing the same stuff that he’s hearing to only find it being just him. All alone. He has a sneaking suspicion that Sakusa might have had something to do with that.

“Thank you,” Suga says, with a small dip of his head as he finally remembers his manners, but another thought quickly strikes him. “Do you even know my name?

Oikawa grins. “Sugawara Koushi. A steady setter formerly of Karasuno, now the surprise coach of Kaisei High. Did I get that right?”

“Yes. But I’m not sure why you would know all this or why you would even remember...” Suga trails off. Oikawa doesn't look fazed, just stares at him with a determination that he never felt would be directed towards him. 

“Can I get you a drink, Sugawara Koushi?”

“A drink?”

“Yeah, so that we can talk…”

“So that _we_ can talk?”

“Is the parroting back some kind of side effect from being a teacher?’

“I don’t know, is being a dick a side effect of being a volleyball player?” Suga immediately clamps his mouth but the damage is already done. Oikawa’s incredulous for a mere second and Suga’s sure he’s done for, until Oikawa lets out a loud laugh.

“What could you possibly have to talk with me about anyway?’ Suga asks, as soon Oikawa settles down.

“Your excellent coaching?” Oikawa offers. Suga raises an eyebrow. 

“Your teaching career? Your gameplay?”

Suga crosses his arms and pins Oikawa quickly with a glare. 

“Wow, I thought that the ‘teacher stare’ would be sexier.”

“ _Oikawa-san…_ ” Suga growls. 

“Ok, this is going to sound weird but…” Oikawa thrusts his hand into the mop of his fluffy hair and messes it all up, “do you ever feel like you might’ve missed something that you were supposed to do? Like, you didn’t realize it at that moment, but ever since you’ve regretted not doing it earlier?”

Suga nods slowly. 

“I regret not ever speaking to you, Sugawara-san. So much so that I once texted Kageyama about where you were, and absolutely pulled strings to be here just in case your team might win.” Oikawa’s rocking back and forth on his feet, pausing when the weight’s on his toes. “Did you ever…”

Suga thinks about how upset he was to learn Oikawa was leaving for Argentina, how obsessively he looked after him with social media, and how he managed to delude himself into thinking he had put Oikawa out of his mind, only for everything to come rushing back in when he’d realized Oikawa could be at the awards ceremony.

Oikawa’s face is falling and Suga rushes to answer his question. 

“I’ve got your first edition cotton plushie, the one that says your quote…”

Oikawa gasps in horror. “No?! With the droopy hair...”

“And the uneven eyes." Suga finishes.

“But that came out when I was second string…” Oikawa trails off, as understanding finally clicks and a smug grin grows on his face. 

Suga rubs the bridge of his nose, half between punching Oikawa right in his pleased face or running away to the far countryside. “Are you gonna get me that drink or not?” he sulks. 

Oikawa doesn’t mind Suga’s frown, instead boldly reaching for Suga’s hand and interlocking his fingers. “Oh, Suga-chan, I’ll get you all the drinks that you want.”

* * *

_dear mr. refreshing,_

_someone asked me today how difficult it was to leave japan. i told them it was very hard. yes, i left my friends, my family, my cute little takeru behind. but also, it’s hard knowing i never gave us a try._

_do you ever think the same about me?_

_-a lonely setter, argentina_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked this fic! let me know via comment or kudo~


End file.
